Jimbo immediately recognized her as Sofia Viagra when she walked into his coffee shop. Her appearance caused his jaw to drop as she walked straight to the service counter and said in a pronounced but easily understood Colombian accent:
“May I have a double espresso, please?”
As she said it, Jimbo’s jaw was still wide open and he couldn’t speak.
Sophia noticed the only other customer in the shop was an old man sitting to her right against the wall. Curiously, he had a bicycle next to him.
She repeated, “May I have a double espresso, please? And it’s okay to gawk. People gawk at me twenty-four hours a day.”
“Um, sure ma’am.” Jimbo was stuttering, but he was managing to find his voice. “Ma’am, am I mistaken or are you Sofia …”
Sophia did not let him finish. “I am not Sofia Viagra if that’s what you are going to say. People mistake me for her every day. I like to think I’m more attractive. Please remember my name is plain Sophia. No Viagra. Sophia with PH, not Sofia with an F.”
She leaned over so Jimbo got an unmistakable look at her jugs.
Sophia smiled and said, “And please don’t drool in my espresso. What are you? Twenty-five years old? My son is twenty-five. I’m obviously old enough to be your mother. And who is that old cootie over there next to the wall?”
By this time, Jimbo’s face was beet red. He stammered. “He’s Three Egg’s only homeless person.. He practically lives here with his bicycle. The town told him he could have a free apartment but he wouldn’t take it. And I think you mean old coot, not old cootie.”
“If you say so, then old coot. People are always correcting my English. Just like I’m always collecting their drool. I’ll be sitting over there when you have the espresso ready. I need to text some people.”
She walked first towards the old cootie’s table and then sat a couple of tables away. Their eyes met, and she smiled at him. He raised his coffee cup as if to say good morning but didn’t speak. Sophia was typing on her phone when Jimbo arrived with the espresso and set it in front of her. She didn’t look up immediately, and he stood there gazing down at her boobs. Not intentionally. Sophia had unavoidable boobs that took up a room and couldn’t escape notice.
Then she looked up and said, “Thank you. What did you say your name was?”
“Jimbo.”
“Thank you, Jeembo.”
“It’s Jimbo.”
“Are you correcting my pronunciation?”
“Well, yes, I suppose I am. It’s pronounced Jimbo. Actually my real name is Bartholomew.”
“I see,” said Sophia. “Jeembo Bartolomue. My son’s name is Jose, I call him Pepe.”
Sophia took a sip of coffee, and then turned her attention back to her phone. Until she realized Jeembo was still standing there.
“Yes, Jeembo? Do you have something to say? And this coffee is good by the way. How would Americans say it? This coffee doesn’t suck at all.”
“Well, thank you ma’am. That’s a real compliment. And uh, ma’am …”
“Yes?”
“Ma’am. I know you said you aren’t Sofia Viagra, but you sure look like her. And you talk like her, and …”
“Yes, do you have a speech problem? Looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, must be a duck. Is that right, Jeembo? Just say what you like. I won’t bite you. Unless you want me to.”
“Oh man! Most of my friends are big fans. I mean, my friends are Sofia Viagra fans. I know you’re not Sofia Viagra, but do you think we could take a selfie? For my friends. That will make them so jealous.”
Sophia took another sip of her coffee and stood up. “Sure, let’s do it,” she said.
Jeembo was six feet tall and about five inches taller than Sophia. He stretched out his arm with the camera. He took the picture and then showed it to her.
She said, “That’s no good. You want to make your friends jealous, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Well, give me the camera. I’ll take the picture. You stand next to me and squeeze close. Take your right hand and put it here.”
Sophia grabbed Jimbo’s right hand and pushed it up to her boobs. She snapped the picture and then looked at it.
“Send that to your friends. That will make them jealous. Your face is a little red, but otherwise, the picture is good.”
With that, Sophia downed the remainder of her espresso and asked how much it was.
“Oh, it’s free ma’am. Everything in Three Egg is free. Instead of money we have a sharing system.”
“Interesting,” said Sophia as she walked towards the door. I should be back tomorrow morning so you can pleasure me again with coffee.”
With that, Sophia left, not aware that she had left her phone on the table, and also not aware that the old cootie had stood up and began walking with his bicycle as he followed her out the door.